Thought Pie: Open Letter to a Douchebag...

Hello Mr. Douchebag Who Shall Remain Nameless,

You don't know me, but I know you -- well at least I know OF you. You've hurt one of my best friends very much...and now you've gone and PISSED ME OFF. If I could, I would tell you this to your face -- although with your apparent lack of a brain and based on your completely self-centered actions, you probably wouldn't even understand the point I would try to convey. I know you'll probably never read this, but the satisfaction of at least thinking that maybe, possibly you could makes me smile.

Let me begin...

First of all, you f*&^ing suck, dude. Seriously. What kind of person faces one of life's biggest responsibilities with the "I don't care, it's not my f*^&ing problem" attitude? BE A MAN! And trying to say the baby is not yours - please...science has confirmed it, but you're obviously too much of a CHICKEN SH*T BABY to accept it and actually grow up and deal with it. You don't have to marry her - hell, you don't even have to date her. But at least be a MAN and show her some RESPECT (there's a song about that, you know). Just because you don't like her or think she lied to you or blah blah blah, it DOESN'T MATTER - she is pregnant with YOUR BABY and that makes you half responsible for what is going on. Quit trying to make her feel like this is ALL HER FAULT - in case you've forgotten from sex-ed in the fifth grade, your sperm fertilized her egg...get it?

That beautiful little baby boy that is growing inside her is YOUR SON - yours, you dipsh*t...and what are you doing? Throwing it all away. You have made it very apparent that you want nothing to do with him -- and guess what, you won't have to. Not now, not ever. And if you think you will just be able to walk back into their lives when it's convenient for you, you have another thing coming. It's called a security system dude, and it has a "call the police" button. And there is a PISSED OFF woman in San Francisco who will come kick your little sorry a**! Furthermore, you have ZERO rights to that baby boy - ZERO. You've basically kissed your child goodbye - I hope you regret it every day of your life.

I really wish you had done the right thing, I really do. She doesn't deserve to be this stressed out and unhappy when she's pregnant. Think about what that is doing to the baby. THink about the negative energy that you're causing. Oh wait...that's right, you only think about yourself. Nevermind then...go back to your computer games and beer cans. Have a nice white trash life.

xoxo
Ashley